Hello, I’m still here.
I haven’t made any artwork in a long time. In fact, you could say I haven’t ‘practiced’ in nearly a year, but it’s been a well needed break.
Since I left Cardiff almost a year ago my life has changed drastically. It wasn’t immediate, in fact I didn’t feel the positivity of my changes for at least 8 months after, but the repercussions of it are now enormous.
I’m living in London, I work at a bar that sometimes drives me round the bend but I love the people I work with. It’s the first time in ages that I feel properly surrounded by good people that aren’t trying to be something they’re not. They’re all doing the same as me, working this little job to get by and support doing what they love on the side.
I have turned my hand at a little sign writing for Stories and also our sister bars which has become fruitful.
But most importantly I care less about the things that used to give me stress and care more about myself. I often spend hours, if not days out of the house without blinking an eye, where as a few years ago something as unscheduled like that would have panicked me. I believe in myself a bit more, I feel less lost as a person (although not necessarily creatively, but I know that will come with time) and I feel quite in control.
Although I am often physically exhausted, I am also really happy. A sincere happiness. Not a talk-yourself-into-it happiness, but a little glowing orb in the center of my belly.
And best of all, I am free of the chains of the past year and a half. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth and say I did it all on my own because I didn’t- without the support of Mum, Esme, Debbie, and countless friends who probably wanted to tear out my vocal chords to stop my moaning, I don’t reckon I’d be feeling this good. But on the other hand I’m not going to discredit myself because even when I was feeling as bad as I could possibly get, I still had ambition and enough self respect and drive to get through it. I’ve come out the other side perhaps feeling older than 21 years of age, but I wouldn’t trade this new self-awareness of mine for anything.