Something lay sleeping within me for a little over a year. Nothing would wake up my little, hibernating creative voice.
There wasn’t anything in particular that did it. Maybe the reason of “not-having-enough-money-for-Christmas-presents” gave me a bit of a kick up the ass.
Earlier this weekend I had the sudden urge to do some potato stamping. “Old & Gold” as one of my friends described, but most other people scoffed a little bit. Glueing pasta to paper & cutting up potatoes is childish.
I made my Christmas cards and wrapping paper all in one go for less than the price of four whole baking potatoes.
Hello, I’m still here.
I haven’t made any artwork in a long time. In fact, you could say I haven’t ‘practiced’ in nearly a year, but it’s been a well needed break.
Since I left Cardiff almost a year ago my life has changed drastically. It wasn’t immediate, in fact I didn’t feel the positivity of my changes for at least 8 months after, but the repercussions of it are now enormous.
I’m living in London, I work at a bar that sometimes drives me round the bend but I love the people I work with. It’s the first time in ages that I feel properly surrounded by good people that aren’t trying to be something they’re not. They’re all doing the same as me, working this little job to get by and support doing what they love on the side.
I have turned my hand at a little sign writing for Stories and also our sister bars which has become fruitful.
But most importantly I care less about the things that used to give me stress and care more about myself. I often spend hours, if not days out of the house without blinking an eye, where as a few years ago something as unscheduled like that would have panicked me. I believe in myself a bit more, I feel less lost as a person (although not necessarily creatively, but I know that will come with time) and I feel quite in control.
Although I am often physically exhausted, I am also really happy. A sincere happiness. Not a talk-yourself-into-it happiness, but a little glowing orb in the center of my belly.
And best of all, I am free of the chains of the past year and a half. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth and say I did it all on my own because I didn’t- without the support of Mum, Esme, Debbie, and countless friends who probably wanted to tear out my vocal chords to stop my moaning, I don’t reckon I’d be feeling this good. But on the other hand I’m not going to discredit myself because even when I was feeling as bad as I could possibly get, I still had ambition and enough self respect and drive to get through it. I’ve come out the other side perhaps feeling older than 21 years of age, but I wouldn’t trade this new self-awareness of mine for anything.
My celebrity moment when Mum put me on her blog. This is grand!
Oh yes, I guess it has.
Well, I haven’t made anything in a long time, so that’s why my posts have been so scarce.
However, I have moved into my new place and I am in the process of gathering up my things that are dotted around the country and putting them there. I have lots of projects on my mind, mostly little ones to make my new room seem Meg-esque.
I have been reading a lot. The most recent books I’ve read are ”We Need to Talk About Kevin”, “Silver Linings Playbook”, and I am now reading “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”, each of which are amazing in their own way.
I don’t much want to talk about We Need to Talk About Kevin aside from the fact that I think you should read it. It is harrowing. It is one of those books that sits in the shell of your bones and you find yourself sympathizing for the ‘wrong’ party. It makes you question your role in society and it makes you ask yourself “Do I really want children?”
Needless to say, it faces head-on into topics that are really quite hush-hush, especially those pertaining to new mothers. For that reason it took me for a spin and I got to the point where I-just-had-to-finish-it because it was up-ending my world. On top of that, it’s written beautifully. Even if you don’t commit to it, I recommend reading just three pages from anywhere in the book and delving into the actual, as Danielle puts it, “Word Porn”.
So after that I wanted something a little more light hearted. Silver Linings Playbook is on the complete other end of the spectrum, especially in the way it’s written, which is rather repetitive. I couldn’t help myself from comparing it to the movie (which I love, if only for the acting) which was a shame because you can’t really enjoy books when you know what’s going to happen, even if it’s not filmed entirely in the same order. It was a quick read which had some light hearted messages about “finding the silver lining” in the bad times and was generally rather optimistic.
I am only 39% through The Perks of Being a Wallflower (thank you to my new/old Kindle* for being so precise) and it’s, well, rather beautiful. It’s so charming the way this 16 year old kid makes such simple and obvious observations of the world and his friends. It’s incredibly honest which is probably why I love it, and it’s full of those quotes that a lot of people would probably love to re-blog on Tumblr. I’m not finished yet, so maybe I’ll give you the verdict when I’m through.
Somehow this turned into a literary blog over the course of the past few months. Forgive me if writing is less interesting that my drawings, I’m just in a big (okay, massive) rut. Don’t give up on me yet.
*A note on my Kindle: This is a new phase of mine, one that stemmed mostly from the necessity to have a lighter handbag during my commute to and from work. Also, I can buy new books in the click of a button, which is why I’m flying through them at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, nothing compares to a well-worn paperback, but for convenience sake my little Kindle works at the moment.
Please oh please let these people say I can live with them, their house is so perfect with that little winding staircase and plastic flowers and little blue front door with the perfect doorbell ring… ahhhhh
THEY SAID YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am I fastidious?